The Inner Slut

Last Saturday, I met with this American guy, 41, single, marketing trade magazines, doing editing jobs, or so he says, for these magazines. His name's Alex and he looks good. Not extraordinarily handsome, but very manly. Very clean. Very well-endowed sexually. He felt good and he loves to just bury his face in pussy and ass.

He's sent me email saying he had a great time and would like to see me again before the first of next month. I guess that's when his girlfriend's coming back from someplace. I gave him my sked but he hasn't answered back. Well, he has my number. I have his, of course, but I'm not calling him up. Ball's in his court. But, gad! I wish he'd call!

He sat on my face and made me lick his balls. He didn't smell down there. No offensive or funny odors. Then he made me lick his asshole. That was the first time I did that and it was good. More of because it turned him on so much. He loves to groan and grunt in a way I find so gratifying. I could really hear his satisfaction. And I sucked on that big cock so much, I almost had lockjaw. He loved that, and the rimming while I sucked.

He is so clean.

Earlier that day, when I was talking to him on the phone, he confessed that he hadn't shaved that morning as it was Saturday. When I met him in the coffee shop, he was clean shaven. He said he had gone home to shave. It was my turn to confess that I was guilty of not shaving, myself. It took a half-second before his face broke into a grin. It was fine, he said, it wasn't a problem.

He has such a nice round body, not slim at all. Thick legs and thighs and arms and neck. I'd love to do him again and again...We made love twice.

Gianni

And then there's Gianni, 51, Italian, divorced, based in Hong Kong. He's been calling me everyday on my mobile and enjoying phone sex with me. I just whimper and talk dirty. Last night, he was so fired up, looking at the fotos I sent him through email. He's coming in on the 29th, and he says he wants to "take care" of me. He wants to rent a place where he can come home to me every month. I'm not saying no to that. My own place. I don't have to pay rent. Lover home only for a few days every month.

Gianni sounds really horny. I can't wait to try him out. He's bringing sexy lingerie for me. I can't wait to try those on.

Popular

Since I put my profile back on that personals site, I've been getting a lot of invitations from so many men. There's one big Yank based in Taiwan, ex-military, 50, with a couple of Asian girlfriends he ties up and shackles and drops candle wax on. He's sent me fotos of them with laundry clips in their nipples and pussy lips. Judging by the way these girls' pussies are so banged up, this guy is huge.

When I told him I was interested in group sex, he said he'd try and put together some of his ex-military buddies based on Okinawa. That would be interesting.

There's another Yank in Seattle, 20s, black, with a huge cock. But he's so far away. He wants me to get on a plane and fly to him. I wish it were that easy. The US Embassy here is so strict, not even the sick kids subject of medical aid from charitable institutions in the States are given visas until they're almost dead.

Things are moving pretty fast these days. I haven't seen Nelson since the last time but we talk on the phone everyday, except weekends when he's with his long time girlfriend. I miss him.

I met Nelson this morning and we checked into a motel. I had a fantastic time. I am so gratified. How crass! Yes, I am gratified. I feel good about myself. I can even still smell him on me. But there's a nagging voice at the back of my head saying all's not well. Perhaps the guy's just worried about finances. But that's not it at all. I know. I always know. I'm afraid it's me and I'm afraid that Nelson's having second thoughts about being with me. Whatever the reason, I hope he gets over it.

We're trying to get into a couples club where people swing. They haven't responded yet. I hope they do. It would really be interesting to have several men in bed with me all at the same time. Alex himself has not responded. I want to swing with him if only to show him how well Nelson brings me to multiple orgasms. Even now, I'm still stimulated. I feel like I can still do another guy and come as much as I did earlier.

Nelson tells me that Alex is online everyday now. He usually keeps invisible on the IM. Nelson and I both think that Alex is trying to get Nelson to hail him first. That way, Alex can gain the upper hand and control the "proceedings," so to speak. Well, it ain't gonna happen. Nelson's already showed Alex earlier that proceedings are going to be controlled by Nelson and not by anybody else. Interesting development.

Aha! Finally I get into haloscan! Fantastic. It's so easy to set up, unlike the other service providers on the list. Great tool!

Something fantastic just happened. It seems like I'm meeting Alex again.

Nelson has a profile up in this personals site, where Mara, Alex and I have accounts as well. But Nelson's profile shows him as a woman. Last week, he received an invitation from a couple for a threesome. He forwarded the invitation to me. I almost fell off my seat when I saw who it was from.

Nelson, of course, informed Alex that he was actually a man, and the other half of a
couple. At first, I thought Nelson and I'd just go along without telling Alex who he was
dealing with. You know, pretend that I didn't know who Nelson was contemplating for a foursome. But after some thought, I decided to just call up Alex and tell him. After
conferring with Nelson who agreed that it was for the best, I dialled Alex's office number. There was no Alex working at that place but I had the correct office. So I asked for the boss, whose name, the girl on the other line told me, was Felix.

I didn't know whether I should fall off my seat in surprise that he had kept his real name from me all this time, or that his real name was so lame. (My apologies to all the Felixes out there, but this name is so not the persona that Alex put up for me.)

Nelson himself laughed when I gave him this delicious bit of information. His first
question was whether Mara knew Alex's real name. I'm sure she did from day one, and the fact that she never shared this with me shows how true a friend she really is. Maybe she's just plain insensitive. Whatever the reason, just goes to show how much of a friend I am to her.

Then again, what's in a name. After all, I am just fucking these dickheads. All in good faith. This confirms, though, my assessment of Alex/Felix as withdrawn and closed. It would, therefore, be futile and frustrating to expect him to act like a warm and caring person.

Anyway, Nelson chatted with Alex/Felix (I just have to call him Alex; that name has
appertunances, so to speak, and Felix is just one of them) on the net. It would be
interesting to see how these two dickheads (well, Nelson's not just a dickhead anymore but for lack of a better term, I'll just go with that), strong personalities and dominants in sex, handle each other.

From Nelson's account of this chat, Alex himself seemed excited about the prospect of
being in a foursome with me. Presumably. After all, I don't think he'd be excited about
Nelson. Alex asked for a couple of days to look for a partner who'd be willing to do it
with an Asian. Nelson, in top form, told him to take his time as there was no rush.

I just love this guy. He's street-smart, he's witty, he's bright, and he's great in bed. He's okay with an open relationship, ready to give me a child, and he thinks I'm lovely and attractive. Now that's the guy for me.

As it turns out, Nelson's divorced. He received the decree from the US, where his wife is, just a few months ago. But no, it's not a romance between him and me, in any sense of the word. He wants us to continue exploring this erotic friendship, though. In fact, we've put up an account as a couple, interested in other couples, in one of those personal dating sites. Let's see where this takes us.

I've revived my own account as well, but I described my status as separated. Let's see what happens this time. No more referrals from Mara. This time, I'm really on my own. I think I know enough now to fend for myself. Exciting.

Nelson's seeing two other women, aside from me, who are both married. One of these is a long-time girlfriend. They've been seeing each other for three years. She's separated from her husband, living on her own. Nelson met the other one at about the same he met me, on that personals site as well.

This guy's actually becoming valuable to me. The other day, I was really feeling down about Mara and Renaud. I needed to talk to someone and I called up Nelson. He presented a very interesting theory about the situation: it was probably Mara who suggested to Renaud that he stop seeing me. Makes sense to me. Mara and Renaud probably promised each other to see less people and not make new contacts. So Mara suspended her account on the personals site, stopped seeing some of her dickheads, and Renaud did the same.

Nelson's theory is that Mara doesn't want competition from me. At first, I couldn't agree with this. Then again, it makes sense. I couldn't believe that Renaud wouldn't want to see me again for the reason that he enjoyed that first (and only) time so much. He even told Mara that he liked me and my body. So there. That's where it's coming from.

In any case, whatever the reason, I'm on my own now.

I sent Peter email a week ago. No response. Okay. That's it. No more of Mara's friends. I was looking for a Dom and I thought that was Alex or Peter. But instead, I found a friend. That's Nelson. That's good.

It's confirmed: Mara is having an affair with Renaud. They're off to Hong Kong on the 11th till the 14th. Fucking holiday, while Mara retrieves her passport from some embassy. I don't know if Mara's seeing Renaud exclusively, but from what I could gather, Renaud isn't. Mara shares the guy with some 14 or 15 other women. Not that I disapprove. Or approve. It's really what the partners agree on. I'm not judging. I'm just griping.

Anyway.

Final exams are 3 weeks away. I've accepted a drafting job. Should pay well. I need the money for next semester. Not to mention car expenses. Repairs, registration, blah. I'm trying to study. Should do well...I hope...

Anyhoo.

I've come to deal with Renaud's rejection. Men are dogs, as Alex has very well proved beyond a reasonable doubt. I'm focusing more now, on what's supposed to be done. I'm trying very hard to live my life. I'm trying very hard to find my niche. I'm trying desperately to live in the present, where I am and how I am situated. I am desperate. The present is ever so elusive.

I have applications all over the net for a teaching job in China. I'm ready for the next big adventure of my life. I can't wait till the semestral break. I have so many things to do:
1. Send application letters to teaching vacancies in China;
2. Study how to use MS Access;
3. Catch up on my reading (I still have an unread Isabel Allende book waiting for me at home);
4. Dig up great book bargains at used book stores;
5. Review basic HTML (I know, I know, it's outdated and ASP is the way to go but I only have so much time...).

I think I found a friend in Nelson. He's a Chinese citizen who grew up in the Philippines, married here, worked here. We kinda like think the same. We're both losers who somehow survive on our wits, if there's such a thing. He's actually my candidate dad for my single parenthood. He's already said yes to my request for a baby. Unfortunately, should I find a great opportunity to teach in China, my single parenthood plans will have to be shelved -- till I get to China. Maybe he'll come with me. Who knows?

Decisions, decisions.

I haven't contacted Peter at all since the last time I was with him. I kinda miss the dickhead. Maybe during the sem break. Then again, maybe not. We'll see.