The Inner Slut

Yesterday morning, I said goodbye to Tom; that evening, I said hello to Cliff.

I've become so involved with Tom that I lost sight of what I was looking for and focused on his own particular needs. Meeting Cliff for the first time last night reminded me that this is all about me; that I wasn't looking to get too involved; that I wasn't going to entertain men who were "on a budget."

Becoming involved in Tom's business wasn't a good idea. For one thing, I'm no marketing person as I have no patience. For another, I got involved for all the wrong reasons: looking for someone who would focus on me, make me feel good, etc.. As I was feeling depressed about the whole thing already, and not feeling especially special with him, we said our goodbyes.

The sex was getting boring, too. He just wanted to have his ass played with. I spent Saturday evening with him, meeting him after the family dinner. He just fucked me hard and deep, which was good, but there was no effort at foreplay for my sake. The sex was all about him, not me.

We did a 69 on the bed, him sucking on and playing with my clit and finger-fuckihg me, which felt good, and me, playing with his asshole with the finger sleeves. I loved watching my fingers disappear up his asshole and how he moaned and groaned with pleasure at this, though, but after that, I felt so empty and hanging. I was waiting for something that I was never going to get from Tom, unconditional and undivided attention.

Another lesson learned, then. Tom, in his 50s, struggling to recoup his business losses due to 9/11, living on credit, staying at some budget businessman's hotel. How I could have gone on with this is an embarrassment. I don't like having to go hungry because I know the guy I'm with can't afford this game at all. I don't like being chaperoned by my conscience on a date.

I don't regret having met Tom, though, nor spending time with him. He's taught me a lot about many things, including myself. I shall remember him with fondness but I don't expect to hear from him again.

Cliff, on the other hand, another American management consultant for another local telecom company, is staying at this very posh, very 5-star hotel -- nearer to me. He has a very open face and looks and sounds very intelligent, but very unassuming. He has the same hands as my Dale so I'm hoping he has the same good-sized dick.

I'm meeting my Dale tomorrow. I've missed him so much.