The Inner Slut

I didn't report to work yesterday. I spent the whole day burning my bridges to the past -- literally. I took out all my paper files from work and school, and made a nice medium-sized pile. Then, my dad took out this huge metal drum and placed it out in a quiet, forsaken corner of the yard, for me to burn all that junk in.

First came all the outlines, lecture notes and sample exams from my years as a college lecturer. They all brought a big smile to my face as all the faces and names and memories came rushing back. It was a very naive time for me. I had all these high expectations of my students and of myself. I wonder where these kids are now; whether they're married, or into a second or third or nth relationship; whether they have kids now; whether they've achieved their career goals; whether they've made realizations about the world and themselves.

I will never forget this period in my life, as this is when I made a dent in the hearts and minds of young people. I will never forget the look in these kids' eyes when something I said in the classroom opened up their horizons and broadened their outlook in life. I made a real difference in these peoples' lives just by being myself.

There was a time when my students were fired up by lessons on human rights vis-a-vis students' rights in school. Was it Tinker v. Des Moines which contained the dictum that students do not shed their constitutional rights at the schoolhouse gate? The first thing they did, all three sections, was to exercise their right to freedom of speech and expression, and to peaceably assemble. Read: conducted a demonstration or rally against a disciplinary policy of the school which they and most of the student body felt to be most discriminatory and violative of students' right to due process.

I was, of course, panicked. I didn't want the entire thing to get blown out of proportion. I didn't want the exercise turning militant. So I ensured that I was present and regulated speech and expression. The entire college campus (it was a small Catholic college) turned out for the event in support, although there were some who opposed the popular stand. The kiss-ass people. There's no escaping them.

Thinking back on that episode, I guess I should feel proud that my lessons saw application in the life of my students. How many teachers can lay a claim to that. In any case, I like to think that that act of courage to stand up to one's rights and for one's principles shaped my students' attitudes about state and citizenship. I hope.

So did the school change the policy? I don't really remember. I think the policy got scrapped because of the arguments and negative reaction against it. Only goes to show that what was important for me at that time was the actual exercise of the right. I was just relieved that it turned out peaceful and civilized.

There were also some items way back from my high school years! A trigonometry notebook. And some stuff from college, like the souveneir program from the musical that I wrote and my club produced. That was a real trip down memory lane. My boyfriend then wrote the songs.

And then there was the stuff from law school.

Now, at this point, I realized that I was not just burning bridges to my past; I was actually burning a dream.

To be continued...