The Inner Slut

I met Alex in September last year. As I remembered him, he was unremarkable. He didn't really make an impression. Of course, reviewing that entry now, it seemed that I enjoyed myself with him. I can't really remember that lockjaw-inspiring moment but I must have enjoyed it immensely. And I'm surprised that at that stage, I'd tried ass-licking and rimming. Anyway, Alex looked different. It was some time before I realized that he had lost weight.

He seemed pleased that I'd noticed. He's not so big and heavy as before, but I did make the tactless remark that I like heavy men more. He was gracious enough not to let it affect him. In fact, he thanked me for saying that I liked him better when he was bigger. I am such a dumb, naive idiot. And at my age!

But, yes, his cock is as thick and hard as ever; his ass-licking and clit-sucking, just as enthusiastic as ever; his hygiene, as perfect as before; but he remains truly unremarkable. Not rude, but neither was he gallant; not pushy, but neither was he sincerely hospitable (I was there for a reason and one reason only); not cold, but neither was he genuinely interested in my personhood. It was not intelligent sex, but neither was it mindless fucking. I get the impression now that this was something he'd always had in mind, and that I was someone he'd like to continue playing with in the future, someone he'd like to cultivate an arrangement with. Thus, his careful and sensitive handling.

I got to his place without much difficulty, depsite the rain. No big deal, going there, as it was, after all, along the way to my place. His gates were open, as he promised, and his Honda CRV right smack in the middle of the 2-car garage, which left me the open driveway. Fine. Strike one.

The porch was dark and I couldn't see any doorbell. I stood there in the dark for some five minutes as my knocks didn't produce any results. Strike two. (In hindsight, he did tell me to honk the horn when I got there, but I'd forgotten or, rather, blanked it out as it wasn't a polite thing to do. Which was good, I think now, as I'd have cast attention to my being there if I had. He lives with his girlfriend.)

He finally opened the door and appeared without a shirt on, wearing just an Indonesion sarong. I thought that was cool. As soon as I got in and out of my raincoat, he reached out for me. I demurred, and he backed off gracefully with a little motion of apology. He made a quick comeback with an offer of a drink. We moved to the patio and caught up on what had happened during the ten-month interval. He was to be transferred to Hong Kong in September this year. I suppose that's why he was brave enough to invite me over to his place. Despite what the neighbors might say, he'd be well out of the house before they could do any damage.

The sex wasn't that great. It lasted for about half an hour. No kissing. Absolutely no kissing. He just grabbed my tits and sucked on my nipples. He then bent me over the window ledge and licked my ass. I rubbed on my clit to stir things up but it wasn't working. We went on like this for some time, then he got me to sit on the mattress laid out on the floor and offered me his cock. Now that was a beautiful sight. Hot, hard and thick. I couldn't get it all in my mouth. And it curved upward so very nicely, too. He then offered me his balls and, despite my hesitation, I took them in my mouth and sucked.

Usually, I'd get turned on by an expressive partner. This time, it didn't work. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not the first time, either. The last time I was with my Dale, I hardly even came. I came once, strongly, but that was it. He couldn't make me cum a second time.

Alex felt good inside my pussy and he did pound it well. But it wasn't prolonged and sustained. Again, my mind went back to Tom and his relentless fucking. I can't help but compare Alex's unfocused fucking to Tom's directed assault. The last time I was with Tom, I was squirting juice all over the place. Fuck, but I miss the guy!

---

I just got off the phone with my Dale. He can't see me today. A friend of his died of a heart attack last night and he's to go to the wake along with other friends. He sounded properly distraught over the phone. I am losing patience with this whole set up. Is that what he wants? I get the feeling he's just pushing me to end it all. Making it easier for himself? I'm being a bitch. I'm just exasperated, frustrated. I need a good fucking right now. I need to have explosive orgasms. I need it. Now.

Or not. Chocolate will help. And a good work-out at the gym. Plus, I haven't seen Spiderman 2 yet. I can go watch a movie tonight with a big bucket of popcorn. Yeah, why not? I've never disappointed me yet.