Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Have you ever been in love?
When a guy asks you that, what do you say? Woud you be at a loss for words? I wasn't. I had a ready answer. Only because I'd thought about it years ago. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it came from Terry. He is, after all, Scorpio.
Scorpio people have always been intense. They're emotive and emotional which is very difficult to handle, especially when you're trying to have a fun time. I should know. I'm one of them.
Saturday evening, I joined Terry in Malate, an old district of Manila where you find all sorts of bars, restos, cafes, discos and, recently, beggars. It was totally depressing. Women with babies in their arms, amputees and children covered in grime and grit off the streets -- all begging for small change to buy food with. But we all know the truth: they work for syndicates that take these people from their home provinces and scatter them all over the metro to beg. The money they get, they "remit" to their handlers who, more often than not, turn over the proceeds to the local police. Considering that mendicancy is a crime in this jurisdiction, the entire mess actually makes sense.
Perfect scenario to bring out the intense emotional side of Scorpio people. It didn't help that we started the evening discussing the present state of the local economy, the circus that's the national elections slated for the second Monday of May, and every depressing thing that comes with the subject matter at hand.
Listening to Terry and feeling around his emotions, I realized just how heavily emotive I can get myself, and pitied my friends who have to put up with such outbursts. But this commonality all the more endeared this man to me.
There is, however, this one thing Terry -- and Bill, for that matter -- exudes: there is no room in his life for another relationship. Terry's married to a Filpina although they don't live together. According to him, they have a peculiar arrangement. I didn't delve into that. He has two kids with two different women, both eight years old. In Bill's case, he's divorced and has had two relationships after that. Failed, according to him, because he can't have children anymore. He's had a vasectomy.
Bill, for his part, has bought a condo unit in Makati. He says this is the first time he's bought property in, and brought money into, the country. I guess he found it interesting enough to come back to Manila.
So. Have I ever been in love?
Before Dale, no. Am I in love with this man? I don't know anymore. I haven't seen him in six or seven weeks and I'm starting to think that losing him wouldn't be such a huge loss. It's because of the other men I'm seeing, I suppose. Diversion. Not such a bad thing, is it? Does this make me fickle? Or shallow?
No, who the fuck am I kidding! I love my Dale. I guess I'm just trapped in this exclusivity concept. It is difficult to shift paradigms at this age, after a lifetime of conditioning. Faith, that's what we have. And shoud I in the meantime play with other men, that doesn't mean I love him less. That's just the reality of it, he ain't mine and will never be mine.
Like I said, I've never been in love -- before Dale.
Scorpio people have always been intense. They're emotive and emotional which is very difficult to handle, especially when you're trying to have a fun time. I should know. I'm one of them.
Saturday evening, I joined Terry in Malate, an old district of Manila where you find all sorts of bars, restos, cafes, discos and, recently, beggars. It was totally depressing. Women with babies in their arms, amputees and children covered in grime and grit off the streets -- all begging for small change to buy food with. But we all know the truth: they work for syndicates that take these people from their home provinces and scatter them all over the metro to beg. The money they get, they "remit" to their handlers who, more often than not, turn over the proceeds to the local police. Considering that mendicancy is a crime in this jurisdiction, the entire mess actually makes sense.
Perfect scenario to bring out the intense emotional side of Scorpio people. It didn't help that we started the evening discussing the present state of the local economy, the circus that's the national elections slated for the second Monday of May, and every depressing thing that comes with the subject matter at hand.
Listening to Terry and feeling around his emotions, I realized just how heavily emotive I can get myself, and pitied my friends who have to put up with such outbursts. But this commonality all the more endeared this man to me.
There is, however, this one thing Terry -- and Bill, for that matter -- exudes: there is no room in his life for another relationship. Terry's married to a Filpina although they don't live together. According to him, they have a peculiar arrangement. I didn't delve into that. He has two kids with two different women, both eight years old. In Bill's case, he's divorced and has had two relationships after that. Failed, according to him, because he can't have children anymore. He's had a vasectomy.
Bill, for his part, has bought a condo unit in Makati. He says this is the first time he's bought property in, and brought money into, the country. I guess he found it interesting enough to come back to Manila.
So. Have I ever been in love?
Before Dale, no. Am I in love with this man? I don't know anymore. I haven't seen him in six or seven weeks and I'm starting to think that losing him wouldn't be such a huge loss. It's because of the other men I'm seeing, I suppose. Diversion. Not such a bad thing, is it? Does this make me fickle? Or shallow?
No, who the fuck am I kidding! I love my Dale. I guess I'm just trapped in this exclusivity concept. It is difficult to shift paradigms at this age, after a lifetime of conditioning. Faith, that's what we have. And shoud I in the meantime play with other men, that doesn't mean I love him less. That's just the reality of it, he ain't mine and will never be mine.
Like I said, I've never been in love -- before Dale.
