Thursday, November 06, 2003
Crossing the bar...
It's my birthday today. Forty years old and with nothing to show for it. SMS birthday greetings have been coming in steadily. Nice to know that there are people out there who think of me. Even Art sent me an SMS, at a little past 12 midnight last night. That was very sweet.
And Renaud even sent me a greeting. Followed by Mara's. Now it's confirmed: Mara's seeing Renaud exclusively. I don't know if this is mutual but in all likelihood, it's not. I didn't acknowledge Renaud's message. It made me cry a little, that he should send me a greeting. Mostly because it made me remember and I got all confused. What was surprising was that I wanted to turn to Mau and pour out my heart to him. But of course, he wasn't there. Nelson? He's leaving for Cebu on Friday on business and I wouldn't want to bother him with anything right now.
There I go again. Keeping things bottled up inside me. I could always talk to my good friend, JA, but I don't think she'd understand. I'm just too self-involved. But I don't want to ignore my feelings either. I have to affirm myself, and if all the emotions I feel are plain anger and frustration, then so be it. That's my reality. I'm a lonely and angry person. That's my truth.
What a depressing day.
And Renaud even sent me a greeting. Followed by Mara's. Now it's confirmed: Mara's seeing Renaud exclusively. I don't know if this is mutual but in all likelihood, it's not. I didn't acknowledge Renaud's message. It made me cry a little, that he should send me a greeting. Mostly because it made me remember and I got all confused. What was surprising was that I wanted to turn to Mau and pour out my heart to him. But of course, he wasn't there. Nelson? He's leaving for Cebu on Friday on business and I wouldn't want to bother him with anything right now.
There I go again. Keeping things bottled up inside me. I could always talk to my good friend, JA, but I don't think she'd understand. I'm just too self-involved. But I don't want to ignore my feelings either. I have to affirm myself, and if all the emotions I feel are plain anger and frustration, then so be it. That's my reality. I'm a lonely and angry person. That's my truth.
What a depressing day.
