Thursday, August 28, 2003
Being discreet
When you belong to a group, formally organized and recognized as such or otherwise, and forward email messages to the members of the group, no rights are violated. The problem is when you forward messages to a list of persons who do not acknowledge, expressly or impliedly, their association with each other. In this case, the question of privacy arises. Mailing lists, therefore, need the express consent of those in the list as to their inclusion therein. Of course, this consent may be impliedly given, or even ratified after actual knowledge of inclusion. In my case, my personal mailing list included persons whose association with me should be discreetly handled. Thus arises...
Rule number 3: Don't ever forget that a relationship with a dickhead is highly confidential and should, therefore, be handled ex abundanti cautelam (with extreme caution).
Considering that this is the most important rule, this should be number 1. Thus, the rules are:
Rule No. 1: A relationship with a dickhead is highly confidential and should, therefore, be handled ex abundanti ad cautelam (with extreme caution).
Rule No. 2: This is NOT a long-term relationship.
Rule No. 3: DON'T EVER FORGET that this is NOT a long-term relationship.
The Alex experience
In an earlier posting, I made a note to continue with the Alex experience. It has something to do with Alex's impression that I was seeking an LTR with him. And this impression was perhaps strengthened by my insistence that he make me his sub. Of course, he refused. I haven't seen him or heard from him in three months.
I found it insulting. He perhaps thought that I was using BDSM to lure a guy into an LTR when my purpose in asking was to experience a real D/s "arrangement." He even suggested that he and I see a shrink together to evaluate whether it would be healthy for the both of us to go into such an arrangement. I have nothing against shrinks and people who go for professional help. If and when I feel that I need professional help myself, I would not hesitate to do so.
So the only difference between Mara and me is that she's married and is not looking for an LTR. And since I'm single and unattached, there is a danger that I would grow emotionally attached to a Dom and cling to him, thereby creating domestic problems for the Dom.
Excuse me.
I am not so desperate for a relationship, in any sense of the word, that I would engage in BDSM just to get into one. I want release (emotionally, psychologically) and sexual gratification. From my point of view, it's not about the dickhead; it'll never be about the dickhead. It's all about me.
I realize that a real D/s arrangement is in fact a relationship but it is not impossible to establish an arrangement without permanence and with partners meeting regularly. Just like any sport. That is what I want, nothing more, nothing less.
I find it also insulting that Alex should have this impression that I do not understand his situation. Perhaps he thinks that I lack imagination and maturity. Granted, I am not sexually experienced but this is due to social and cultural factors, not intelligence. That any person should think me intellectually-challenged and emotionally immature, especially the likes of Alex, is extremely irritating.
These things are minor irritations in life that deserve merely to be brushed off. I know who I am and what I'm capable of. More terrible things have happened to me so many times in my life as to crush me to the ground, but which I've survived. The Alex experience I should use to my advantage, for all it's worth. After that, I should discard it.
I make this admission: I was very hurt. I feel totally rejected. The fact that the person who rejected me is not even worth farting on doesn't help one bit.
The first time I met Alex, he said that men are dogs. He was right. He proved himself right.
Rule number 3: Don't ever forget that a relationship with a dickhead is highly confidential and should, therefore, be handled ex abundanti cautelam (with extreme caution).
Considering that this is the most important rule, this should be number 1. Thus, the rules are:
Rule No. 1: A relationship with a dickhead is highly confidential and should, therefore, be handled ex abundanti ad cautelam (with extreme caution).
Rule No. 2: This is NOT a long-term relationship.
Rule No. 3: DON'T EVER FORGET that this is NOT a long-term relationship.
The Alex experience
In an earlier posting, I made a note to continue with the Alex experience. It has something to do with Alex's impression that I was seeking an LTR with him. And this impression was perhaps strengthened by my insistence that he make me his sub. Of course, he refused. I haven't seen him or heard from him in three months.
I found it insulting. He perhaps thought that I was using BDSM to lure a guy into an LTR when my purpose in asking was to experience a real D/s "arrangement." He even suggested that he and I see a shrink together to evaluate whether it would be healthy for the both of us to go into such an arrangement. I have nothing against shrinks and people who go for professional help. If and when I feel that I need professional help myself, I would not hesitate to do so.
So the only difference between Mara and me is that she's married and is not looking for an LTR. And since I'm single and unattached, there is a danger that I would grow emotionally attached to a Dom and cling to him, thereby creating domestic problems for the Dom.
Excuse me.
I am not so desperate for a relationship, in any sense of the word, that I would engage in BDSM just to get into one. I want release (emotionally, psychologically) and sexual gratification. From my point of view, it's not about the dickhead; it'll never be about the dickhead. It's all about me.
I realize that a real D/s arrangement is in fact a relationship but it is not impossible to establish an arrangement without permanence and with partners meeting regularly. Just like any sport. That is what I want, nothing more, nothing less.
I find it also insulting that Alex should have this impression that I do not understand his situation. Perhaps he thinks that I lack imagination and maturity. Granted, I am not sexually experienced but this is due to social and cultural factors, not intelligence. That any person should think me intellectually-challenged and emotionally immature, especially the likes of Alex, is extremely irritating.
These things are minor irritations in life that deserve merely to be brushed off. I know who I am and what I'm capable of. More terrible things have happened to me so many times in my life as to crush me to the ground, but which I've survived. The Alex experience I should use to my advantage, for all it's worth. After that, I should discard it.
I make this admission: I was very hurt. I feel totally rejected. The fact that the person who rejected me is not even worth farting on doesn't help one bit.
The first time I met Alex, he said that men are dogs. He was right. He proved himself right.
